beginning in the middle

Starting in The Middle (not the Jimmy Eat World song). For a while, the beginning of Luna's story was a snooze fest. The stakes weren't high until they were, but by then readers were confused or bored. There was way too much exposition, telling (in so many words) instead of showing what was happening in the Silvis and Star's End. And, it's one of those things you know but you've read it too many times to really see.

Which is why feedback is so crucial. I received some such feedback on a couple of different ways to approach fixing the beginning of the story to better set up the journey. The way that resonated most was to start in the middle of everything. AKA In Medias Res (finally a use for all those years of Latin in high school!).

When you start in the middle of everything that's going on, you're immediately thrust into the story and developing interest in what happens next. For Luna, I wanted the new beginning to set up a few major plot things:

1. Show that Star's End is plagued with problems from the Silvis.

2. Introduce Luna's Guide as playing a central role for both the town and Vis Group.

3. Give a glimpse of Luna's power.

I'm sure there's more, but this also is basically what I needed the beginning to show us. Because all of these things are so crucial to the bigger story. And by having us start off right in the middle of a dangerous time for Star's End will make everything that follows more believable.

Read on below for a snippet of the new beginning!

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A third lantern now blazed in the black gazebo. The students gathered in front of the garden were dressed in dark clothes, unfazed by the sun overhead. This was the third disappearance in October. Three students in under three weeks: Asher, Violet then Hayes. All gone without a trace.

Luna stood next to her best friend, Gwenny. They were both quiet, but kept their pinky fingers clasped while they watched and waited. A young man dressed in black pants and a black long sleeve shirt with tangled sandy hair cleared his throat and stepped up to the microphone. Luna closed her eyes when he spoke, letting the familiar sound of his voice calm her.

“Afternoon, all,” Riley’s voice was steady even with the terror pulsing through the crowd. “I wish I wasn’t here again so soon. But, with Hayes now missing along with Violet and Asher, it’s important that you know that we are working tirelessly to protect you and bring your classmates home. In my role as a delegate between the Vis Group and the Star’s End Board, I can assure you that all resources have been allocated to stopping these disappearances. The Vis Group’s newly formed Extrication Department has remarkable technology at their disposal while they search the Silvis and proactively terminate threats. And, the Star’s End Board has reactivated its Town Defenders - of which I am a member - to assist in all of these efforts. We will stop these disappearances now. But, for that to happen, you must trust us to do the dangerous work, and stay out of the Silvis at all costs. You know what happens in the Silvis, please don’t forget it. Thank you.”

Riley walked around the crowd as Mr. Bane, their Principal, said a few words about the missing students. Luna caught his eye, and whispered, “Be right back,” to Gwenny. Then, she shuffled quickly to the other side of the massive red brick building, and collided with Riley when she turned the corner.

“Sorry about that,” she said breathlessly, taking a few steps back.

Riley shrugged, “How are you handling all this?”

“Not great,” Luna looked at the ground. “It’s so much worse than I can ever remember it being. Three in three weeks. Has that ever happened before?”

“I’m not sure, but everyone is really worked up at the Vis Group and on the Board. You’re still coming to class tonight, right? It’ll be a good distraction. And include a little birthday surprise,” Riley’s green eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“Ugh, no birthday surprise. I can’t. But, I’ll be there. Extra long Savasana at yoga today, k?”

“See you then,” Riley turned and began walking around the building.

“Hey! Riley!” Luna shouted, but when he turned around with his head tilted curiously, she couldn’t get the words out. “I mean it about the Savasana. I’ll be timing it.”

Riley stared a beat longer, as if he knew that wasn’t what she wanted to say. It wasn’t until he was out of earshot that Luna whispered the words she meant, “Why hasn’t the Silvis taken me?” It was her secret with the forboden place. She entered it each night to explore its various regions. And still no harm befell her.

By the time Luna rejoined Gwenny in the gathering of students, sparklers were being passed around. To signify the spark of hope that the missing students would be found safely. They never were, but the tradition remained. As soon as Luna wrapped her fingers around the sparkler, it ignited with brilliant white sparks.

“Who lit yours?” Gwenny asked.

“I dunno, it was already lit, I guess,” Luna lied, ignoring the tingling heat pulsing from her fingertips.